I believe wholeheartedly that each of us knows innately how we should treat each other. We recognize that cooperation is better than antagonism, that friendship is preferable to hostility, that understanding trumps ignorance — every time.
If this knowledge exists in each of us, why is it so hard to live by this inner knowing? Why in our daily interactions do we so frequently fail to access our wiser selves?
The mission of Real Talk Revolution rests upon a simple proposition:
As a means of addressing our differences, well-intended, respectful dialogue is manifestly superior to avoidance, condescension and hostility.
Given the clear benefits of communication and understanding versus the all-too-familiar results of mistrust and enmity, this proposition seems self-evident. Who would disagree? But as we all know from personal experience and observing the world around us, partaking in genuine dialogue is not always easy, even under favorable circumstances. And as differences, stakes and tensions mount, dialogue becomes increasingly difficult and often seems all but impossible.
So we must ask ourselves:
Are we capable of rising up to meet the challenge of engaging in genuine dialogue with each other, especially when it’s uncomfortable or difficult to do so? Or is this just a romantic notion, a delusion of misguided utopians, however desirable it may be in theory.
That peoples can no longer carry on authentic dialogue with one another is not only the most acute symptom of the pathology of our time, it is also that which most urgently makes a demand of us.”
Martin Buber, Genuine Dialogue and the Possibilities of Peace
Jewish philosopher, religious scholar and political activist Martin Buber, called by the New York Times upon his death in 1965 “one of the great thinkers of this century,” spoke these profound words in Germany in 1953.
Clearly, the condition Buber considered our “most acute symptom” six decades ago has become even more critical in recent years.
“Noncomplementary behavior” is a somewhat awkward term that’s gaining currency in psychological circles. Which is great, as it accurately describes the choice we can make and benefit from in the face of fear. Rather than “mirror” any given aggressive, fear-based action that presents itself to us, we can choose to respond with the “noncomplementary behavior” of genuine empathy and thereby increase our chances – not guarantee, but improve the likelihood – of a positive outcome.
To learn more about how noncomplementary behavior works in the real world – during a robbery, a terrorism crisis and a dating dry spell – check out this podcast from Invisivibilia on NPR. The main story, about how two policemen in a region in Denmark are dealing with local ISIS recruiting, is truly remarkable.
This is an excellent article by Maria Popova, creator of the wonderful Brain Pickings website, on one of the seminal thinkers in the world of dialogue, the late quantum physicist David Bohm. Already famous as a physicist, admired by the likes of Albert Einstein, Bohm later in life became fascinated with the intertwined subjects of thought and dialogue. His seminal work on the subject is On Dialogue.
Popova’s own commentary in this article is also noteworthy. One of the most profound and least understood aspects and benefits of genuine dialogue is highlighted in this article: how authentic dialogue opens the possibility of something new and unexpected arising from the interaction.
https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/12/05/david-bohm-on-dialogue/